I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
