I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
