we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
