the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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