I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
