please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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