Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
