fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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