Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
