She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
