the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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