Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
