She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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