I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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