My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
