My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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