I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
