bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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