We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
