I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
