..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
