I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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