it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
