and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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