i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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