the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
