In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
