Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize