some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
