Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
