If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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