were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
