i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
