Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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