Please, let me fuck your mom
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
