Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
