Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
