I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
