I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
