Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
