i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
