sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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