Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
