Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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