HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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