I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Terrible idea I love it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
