I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
