i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
