Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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