your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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