I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
