does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize