My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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