I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
