Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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