My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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