my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
