You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
