does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Girls should come with a carfax report
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
