You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i need to put some appletini on your dick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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