Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
