Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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