Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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