dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
