I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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