He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I believe in your delicious
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
