We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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